描述
IQ: 81 Augs?: Yes (Multiple) Infraorder: Simiiformes Skills/Abilities: Enhanced Strength (Passive); Demolitions Expertise; Small Arms; Woodsman/Survival; Field Medicine; Laser Weapons; Sonic Weapons; Tesla Weapons Perks: Prehensile Tail; Medical Marvel; Chimp S.C.R.E.A.M.; Combat Rush; The Knifesman Cometh; Vampiric Glare; Combat Rush II
Purpose: With double the IQ of a standard US Army Marine, cutting edge cyber-augs, access to hidden weapons caches, and the tenacity of a Tasmanian devil, these chimps promise to bring about an age of chaos.
Origin: "According to Fob-Fentee news site SinoBang, the Taliban has been training monkey soldiers. The source for this claim is low resolution photos on the internet of monkeys holding guns. Terrifying.
“Monkeys are dangerous enough as it is. They will tear a man’s scrotum apart to the ragged edges with their silksteel fingerblades, without provocation or warning. They will go after a scrotum like a Ciusinart with a broken safety lock and won’t stop until they see the pubic bone. Giving them guns and military training just makes them exponentially more lethal. Afghani monkeys in particular are especially scary- they are very hungry and will kill without hesitation for a banana.” (NYMag Intelligencer)
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(To play this card, opponent must have at least one (1) Monkey-type creature deployed)
Monkey Kong Crusade: An organized platoon of monkey super soldiers has you in its sights. They have proper trigger discipline and good posture. There's no evading the onslaught of monkeys about to turn your scrotum into confetti. Give up now and they might let you join their ranks.
♦ Select one (1) non-monkey-type creature to pretend to surrender to the opponent’s monkey army; send it over across the battle lines. Henceforth your double agent will be known as codename: Jerome.
♦ Roll a D6. If anything other than 1: opponent’s monkey army accepts the double-agent as one of their own. Jerome becomes a basic infantryman in the monkey corps. If 1: the rival monkeys intuit Jerome’s true intentions and put it to death (creature is destroyed).
♦ Jerome, now an initiate in the monkey army, begins integrating itself and and making itself useful to the top brass. Taking on their ways, assuming monkey culture and monkey identity like a chameleon-in some ways Jerome exemplifies monkeyness more than the monkeys themselves. Over the next seven (7) decades, Project Looking Glass slowly unfolds, and the line between monkey and man is blurred.
Once per turn, roll a D6 to represent the passing of a decade. If anything other than 1: your double agent remains undetected and completes the listed objective. If 1: the truth is uncovered and your creature suffers a grizzly testicle-shredding death.
♦ Decade 1: Jerome gets the show started with some simple but effective sabotage. Two (2) randomly selected enemy items are now broken.
♦ Decade 2: Jerome has successfully sewn the seeds of doubt among the enemy ranks. One (1) enemy creature abandons its post (place in discard pile).
♦ Decade 3: Jerome’s many years of computer hacking training came in handy. One (1) Funding Point is siphoned from the enemy’s coffers into your own.
♦ Decade 4: Jerome brings the enemy’s nuclear infrastructure to its knees with a fortuitously placed EMP detonation. Total meltdown is averted, but at a great cost. Opponent loses one (1) turn to nuclear cleanup.
♦ Decade 5: Radio silence from Jerome. Something big is happening but even your Grand Viser Masterspy (if you have this card) is in the dark as to what.
♦ Decade 6: Still no word from Jerome. Assume dead or K.I.A.
♦ Decade 7: Jerome’s mastermind plan: capture and infect the opponent’s schools, churches, intelligentsia, literature, pop culture, and incrementally bend them away from the opponent’s ideology and towards that of the player. For so long this plan seemed futile, preposterous, but now it has yielded some fruit. Smile, comrade, for today you take the reins of the most powerful force the world has ever seen-the Grand Monkey Army! (All non-robot enemy creatures currently in play switch to your side.)
